Twiglet
by BlahBlahRainbowSheep
Summary: A few parody drabbles about one of my favourite books. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
1. I don't want you Edward

Twilight Parody Drabbles XD

_**Bella, I don't want you.**_

- _Edward takes Bella's hand and leads her to a log to sit down on_ -

"Bella, I'm madly in love with you."

"Awkward…"

"What?"

"Edward, I have to tell you something. I don't really like you."

"OMGWTFBBQ? But I'm gorgeous and I don't know it!"

"No, Edward. Your hair is messy. And you sparkle. That's gay."

"What?! No-one dumps Edward Cullen! I have a fan page on Facebook!"

"Ed, I knew you'd take it like this. Why do you always have to be so dramatic?"

"I… don't know. Maybe that's because the author write me like this."

"You'd say that…"

"What?"

"Nothing. I have to go, my puppy's waiting in his Rabbit"

"WTF?"

"DW."

"ATM, IDC."

"GFY."

* Bella storms off, leaving Edward curled up in the fetal position. *


	2. Buffy

Twiglet

Buffy

**Bella and Jacob**

"Jacob…"

"What Bella?"

"Hi!"

"Uh… hi?"

"LOLOLOL"

"Bella, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm hyper. You love me don't you?"

"No **(sniggers) **who could everlove _you_?"

[Buffy jumps out and stabs Jacob in the heart with a stake. He dies]

"What the fug Buffy?! We were having an in depth conversation!"

[Buffy looks ashamedly at the floor]

Bella is on Windows Messenger to Edward

Bella: Oh Eddie, it was so awful!

Edward: What was? Christ Bella, it's 2:00 in the morning!

Bella: I thought you didn't sleep?

Edward: No… but you interrupted… special time…

Bella: Oh. Anyway, it was so sad!

Edward: What was?

Bella: Joey didn't get the part :'(

Edward: You interrupted my special time, to tell me about _Friends _re-runs?

Bella: Yeah. Oh, btw, I should tell you Buffy is going to kill you.

Edward: WTF? Who's Buffy?

Bella: Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Edward: Oh shit.

Bella: It's actually Rosalie in disguise. And Alice is her preppy sidekick Willow. Oh, Jasper is Miles, their nerdy friend.

Edward: Bella, you're crazy. I don't want to read your mind.

Bella: LOOK OUT! SHE'S BEHIND YOU- Oh sorry that's just- Carlisle? WTF you doing in Edward's room?

Carlisle: Uh…

Bella: You were planning a Father/Son picnic, weren't you?

Edward:Yes.

Bella: Okay Bye xxx

[Bella signs off]


	3. Honeymoon

Twiglet

**Bella's honeymoon**

[Bella just finished her shower and walked out onto the beach. She hangs up her towel]

"Oh, Jesus, Bella! Put some bloody clothes on you slut!"

"But Edward, it's our honeymoon!"

"Bella, put some clothes on! Ugh , that is so disgusting…"

"But you're naked too!"

"No I'm not! I've Speedos on!"

"Bollocks!"

"Yeah. Go put some clothes on!"

[Bella just woke up]

"Edward, oh Edward, WTF? Why in the hell of it are feather every-effing-where?"

"I had to bite a pillow…"

"Oh Eddie, why?"

"Oh for god's sake Bella, I am effing hungry vampire sleeping next to a delicious human!"

"You're so cranky in the morning!"

"I'm hungry! I'm going hunting."[gets out of bed]

"Naked?"

"Yes."

(Naked Robert Pattinson: * Shudder * 0.o)

[Bella finds out she's pregnant. Edward's on the floor]

"God, Edward, why do you have to be so dramatic? It's only a baby; it's not Rabies."

"No, Bella, this is weird. I'm a boy."

"And I'm a girl. 2+2 =6 dumbass…"

"Uh, 2+2 =4…"

"Oh yeah. But the point is, these things happen."

"But… I have no balls…"

"Yeah, Eddie, we all knew that. Jacob stole them before you left me to commit suicide."

"Shut up Bella."

"Don't tell pregnant lady to shut up!"

[The Portuguese lady walks in rambling]

""

"Uh, Ed, what's she saying?"

"That's not Portuguese…"

"Oh."


	4. Shopping

Twiglet

Shopping

[Bella and Edward are out shopping with Alice and Jasper]

Bella: Eeeedddwwaaarrrddd?

Edward: Yes Bella?

Bella: Can I have a dog?

Edward: No Bella.

Bella: But I want one!

Alice: Jasper, can I have one?

Bella: Aww! We could get a brother and sister!

[Alice and Bella go off talking excitedly about their dogs]

Edward: Do you, uh, wanna go look at PS3s?

Jasper: Of course.

Okay, that one was a little crap but they should be better in future, k?

Review please x)


	5. Vampire

Twiglet

Vampire

[Edward just told Bella tat he's a vampire]

Bella: FUCK! [runs away]

{Take 2}

Bella: Haha, funny. Let's go.

Edward: I'm not lying Bella.

Bella: FUCK! [Runs away]

{Take 3}

Bella: Oh, wow! Are there unicorns and dwarves and fairies and stuff then?

Edward: No, but there are werewolves.

Bella: Boring! We're finished. [Walks off laving Edward in the woods]


	6. Bitch Slap

Twiglet

Bitch Slap

* Everyone is getting ready to help Bella escape James *

Rose: "Why do I have to help?"

Bella bitch slaps her

"Quit being a bitch!"

Rose slaps Edward.

"Why do you love her?"

Carlisle randomly slaps Alice.

"Carlisle, WTF?!"

"Everyone was doing it…


	7. Pony

-.- some idiots reported me for writing scripts, when they quite blatantly were not. I say get a life. But thankyou for all the positive comments :D

Pony

Reneesme walks up to Bella.

"Mommy, can I have a pony?"

"No." Bella replied

"But –"

"No."

"Mommy! Please!"

"No."

Reneesme folds her arms across her chest and sulks. Edward walks past.

"Daddy, can I have a pony?"

"Of course you can!" Edward replied.

"Yay!" Reneesme skipped off. Bella glared at Edward.

"You need to get some balls, Ed."

"I have them. Otherwise, she wouldn't be here." he said matter-of-factly.

"Actually… She's Jacob's."

"What?! But he imprinted with her!"

"Nature works in strange ways…"

Not as good, but I get inspiration from reviews ^_^ keep sending them in :D And stop being assholes, you people who report me. You're just jealous because people like my writing P:


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